You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
