Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
