I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize