You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
