I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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