You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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