I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
