You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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