his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
