Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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