please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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