when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my shit smells like andre
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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