I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
