Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
