I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
