You don't have asthma, your pregnant
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
