Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
