If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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