so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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