Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
