Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
