How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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