We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
