I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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