the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
