"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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