Already got asked if we're dating
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
