McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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