its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
