So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The ass gains better be worth it
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