Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
