OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
