I think I died a long time ago.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize