is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
