i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you had me at cake vodka
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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