then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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