sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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