i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
