dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
