My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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