Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
