I smell stomach acid.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
