Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
