so that wasnt chicken after all
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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