My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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