Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
