Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
