i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
