1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you had me at cake vodka
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
