dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
