Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
