Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
