i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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