The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
