i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
