Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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