he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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