New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
