my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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