It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
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his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize