similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
