All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
