she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
