I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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