I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
