fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
