my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
