I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
