we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
