Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
