He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
