I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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