Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize