Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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