i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
third nipple confirmed
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.