Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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