Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
