someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
