I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
