We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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