I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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