Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
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I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
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I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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