yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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