why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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