did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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