can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
